


Doesn't Matter

by SilverMoon53



Series: Soft Nights, Quiet Talks [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Again, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I don't usually write fluff so idk, I don't wanna ruin this for you, I should really stop doing that, I wrote this in one sitting instead of doing homework, Lars' Head spoilers, Maybe kinda fluff?, Post Episode: s05e04 Lars' Head, Spoilers, but i probably won't, seriously don't read if you haven't seen the episodes, wanted bomb spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 07:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11053974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMoon53/pseuds/SilverMoon53
Summary: When all is said and done, and Lars and Steven are safely back on Earth, Sadie and Lars have a talk.MAJOR SPOILERS for the Wanted bomb





	Doesn't Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Again, MAJOR SPOILERS for the Wanted bomb  
> So who else is dying? Anyway, this started with an idea that was just:  
> “Look on the bright side, at least you don’t have to get on my case anymore for binding too long anymore.” Without hesitation, she punched his shoulder.  
> (because Lars is totally a trans guy and only Sadie knows, fight me) but then it got longer and angstier so I had to drop that line. Enjoy

“So, why pink?” 

The boy flinched slightly, not expecting her to break the silence. The pair were laying on the beach, watching the stars and just enjoying each others’ company. It was the first night back and he, unable to sleep, had texted her. She had been awake, and the two met for a walk to the ocean. They had circled the town before settling down in the sand just over an hour ago. They hadn’t spoken beyond greeting each other, simply taking comfort in being near each other as only two old friends can.

He hadn’t told her, or anyone, what had happened. Not yet. He wanted to, but he was having trouble finding the right words. Self conscious at her words, he ran a hand through the pink tuft on his head, fingers lingering over the scar across his eye. 

“I, uh.” He broke himself off, breath suddenly catching in his dry throat. 

“Sorry!” She quickly sat up, turning to face him. “I didn’t mean… you don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” He kept his eyes closed, pretending he didn’t feel the tears creeping out and didn’t say anything as she settled down on the sand once more after several moments. “It’s just, I know pink isn’t your favorite colour. You always talked about dying your hair super bright red, y’know? Didn’t think you’d try pink. Certainly didn’t think you’d dye your skin, too.” She paused again and he opened his eyes to the stars. “It looks good, though.”

“It, uh.” A groan forced its way past his lips, words struggling to get out. “It wasn’t my choice.”

“Oh.” A moment passed. He flinched again as her hand found his, but didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he told her quickly. She gently squeezed his hand.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head, though he knew she couldn’t see him. He shut his eyes again, tight enough that he saw stars anyway, and sniffed. 

“ _I’m_ sorry,” he said instead a minute later. “For not helping you. For… for running away.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, just let out a deep sigh. She pulled her hand to her chest, dragging his along with it. “It’s okay.” Her soft voice washed over him and he felt more tears slip down. “I mean, I was kinda mad, but it all worked out. You were scared and I can’t honestly blame you. I was terrified. But I was more scared when the rest of us got out and you were still in there.” Her thumb ran over the back of his hand, small, soothing circles. “I was actually more mad about it then. If you’d just helped me, you’d’ve been safe!” She paused thoughtfully for a short time, still rubbing his hand. “Then again,” she mused, ”if you had, then Steven would have been alone. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten back without you. I suppose it doesn’t matter much now, either way. What’s done is done, and it’s all okay now. I’m safe, Steven’s safe, you’re safe. You got back here, safe and sound and alive and all in one piece. It all worked out.” 

He could hear the content smile in her words, knew she would be able to feel the tremble in his hand. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart as they lay in silence once more. The ocean washed up and down the shoreline, and the stars shone above, unbothered by the events that had transpired. _Don’t they know,_ he silently asked the night as he sobbed gently, _that everything has changed? Don’t they care?_

“I died,” he finally choked out, voice breaking like the waves. He felt her gasp and grip his hand tighter, but he pulled away. Arms wrapped tightly around his thin legs, he rocked back and forth. The tears flowed freely now, wetting his sleeves and smudging the stars to blurry lines. 

She shifted uneasily beside him, her hand hovering just at the edge of his vision. He could just make out her sharp inhale over the sounds of the night as his teeth chattered despite the warm air. “It _hurt_. So, _so_ bad. And-and-and then, just nothing.” He felt her hand place itself on his shoulder. She didn’t rub, or press, just let her hand rest on his back. The confirmation that he wasn’t alone, that someone was there and cared, sent new waves of tears through him. “I _died_ ,” he repeated numbly when his crying subsided enough to form words once more. “I was dead.” 

Still, she said nothing. Her hand stayed on his shoulder and she waited for him to cry himself out. Slowly, his shaking stopped and the tears slowed. He matched his breathing to the _in-out, in-out_ of the ocean and stared, unseeing, past the horizon. “I think I still am.” 

Her arms were around him the instant the words left his lips, holding tight like she was afraid of losing him once more.

“Doesn’t matter,” she muttered, voice muffled by his shoulder. “You’re here, and you’re safe. You’re still my friend, you’re still _you_. That’s all that matters.”

The two stayed like that, not talking, just holding each other, until the night bled with dawn’s glow and their tears dissolved into the ocean. Finally, they allowed tiredness to overwhelm them and drifted away to the soft embrace of sleep. 

Later, they would wake. Dry mouthed and sticky eyed, itchy from sand and dirty clothes and unwashed bodies, they would rise together. There was more to talk about, more to share and release, days of trauma and fear to unpack. But for the time being, they slept. 

Below them, the ocean drifted in and out, a gentle lullaby to ease their rest. Above them, the stars blinked and winked, a soft blanket keeping them safe. 

For the first time in a while, neither one had nightmares that night.

**Author's Note:**

> my Tumblr: https://cloudcoveronclearnights.tumblr.com/


End file.
